Desperately
by Misao Mei Mei
Summary: She knew it was wrong...to want him so feverantly, but still.... [AU] [songfic] [AxM]


Desperately

Disclaimer! Rurouni Kenshin doesn't belong to me, but to Nobuhiro Watsuki. Darn, maybe some day ^_^x

The song _Desperately_ belongs to Michelle Branch, not me........I feel overwhelming levels of unfairness in this world. First RK, then _Desperately_...what is this world coming too?!?! *sigh*

So anyway, I was listening to it and I dunno....I just had to write it, and the idea was so fresh in my mind. I wasn't going to at first, but then I gave in. Plus it only took me about an hour to write!

So here it is, Desperately, an AU songfic revolving around Aoshi/Misao. Enjoy

------

He looked at her and she flushed a pale pink shade. She berated herself for it, though. He was authority, leader of the Oniwanbanshuu and she was nothing more than a member.

She wondered, though, what would it be like..... His lips pressing against her. His cold hard eyes warming up and softening for her....just for her. What would happen? Surely it was not unimaginable. Many people fall in love with their superior and vice versa.

Surely it could happen to her.

Surely.....

_Something 'bout the way you looked at me  
Made me think for a moment  
That maybe we were meant to be  
living our lives separately_

In the harsh, cold reality of today's world, was true love only a dream? Something never to be obtained?

She was not the same childish girl he once knew. She had grown, matured into a beautiful young woman. And her knew her heart

Her heart told her that she loved the Okashira, one Shinomori Aoshi. And she wanted him. She wanted to feel his lips against her, his roaming hands over her body, over her soft skin-everywhere, but most of all she wanted his unconditional, unwavering love.

_And it's strange that things change  
But not me wanting you so desperately_

She tried to ignore it. It would never happen. She should have given it up from the start. No one could ever thaw his icy heart....no one. 

But still.....that look. It was a short glance, easily overlooked, but she had seen _something_ flicker in his eyes. It held a tinge of nostalgia int hem and somewhat of a melancholic quality to them, too.

She knew it was wrong...to want him so feverantly despite their statuses, but still....

_Oh, why can't I ignore it?  
I keep on giving in, but I should know better  
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me  
And it's strange that things changed  
But not me wanting you so desperately._

He frustrated her to no end. It was like a game of hide and seek. He would hide his feelings and she would search for them. And just when he showed a glimpse of what was in his heart, he took it back immediately. Long enough to still have hope, too short to be able to analyze it. With that glimmer of hope, she would continue seeking him out.

She flushed brightly, though, remembering that one night. He was pleasantly drunk and she was a little on the tipsy side. The night was a blur, but all she remember what that she had given herself to the one she loved and he took it.

Some nights, she could still feel his hands wisping across her abdomen.

She still remembered what he told her.....after their tryst

"You're mine. Completely mine and do not forget that."

"Yes, of course," she sighed and snuggled back into his protective arms.

But he left the next day, a mission to destory their rival. Then the Oniwanbanshuu could take control of another part of the Triad. When he returned alone, he was different. He did not seem to remember his declaration and treated her, along with others, lifelessly.

Her chance for happiness was shattered....completely and utterly gone.

_You looked my way and said, "you frustrate me."  
Like you're thinking of lines and times  
When you and I were you and me.  
We took our chance out on the street  
Then I missed my chance  
And chances are they won't be coming back to me_

Time passed and slowly he recovered. Months and months passed and she did all she could to help him. She hoped it was enough.

But it never was. In the middle of his tedious recovery he fell into a state of depression, consumed by the nostalgia of his dead men.

She tried harder, but to no avail

She knew it was wrong.....to want him so feverently at a time like this, but still.....

_Oh, why can't I ignore it?  
I keep on giving in, but I should know better  
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me  
And it's strange that things changed  
But not me wanting you...._

It was a need that he and only he could satisfy. Had she chosen any other man, they would have been estatic that she has chosen him. but her heart had already chosen any and there was nothing she could do about it.

She wanted him so badly...

_So desperately  
So desperately_

More time passed. She was in her early twenties; he was in his late twenties. He stayed the same, never changing, still immersed in the memories of the past.

She knew it was wrong...to want him so feverently after all this time, but still.....

_Oh, why can't I ignore it?  
I keep on giving in, but I should know better  
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me  
And it's strange that things changed  
But not me wanting you so desperately._

She knew it was wrong but still.....

_I want you so desperately  
I keep on giving in, but I should know better  
I keep on giving in, but I should know better_

But still....

Was it wrong to love a man....the one you've always loved no matter what happens?

Besides, he was slowly coming out of his depression. And she was supporting him the whole way through. After all this time....finally, a ray of hope. 

Who says your superior will never love you?

_So desperately  
I want you so desperately_

And maybe...just maybe...those feelings were reciprocated.

Surely it could happen to her

Surely.......

------

A/N: Well, the song is very bittersweet to me, so I tried to make this fic the same. Hope you liked it now.... 

PLEASE REVIEW!!


End file.
